20/01/2017 Issue 2

What a week it’s been!

Pep Guardiola suffered his heaviest ever League defeat as a manager at the hands of Ronald Koeman’s Everton. It was a great day for the Toffees who thrashed Man City 4-0 at Goodison Park. Teenagers Tom Davies, 18, and Ademola Lookman, 19, both got on the scoresheet. The pair grabbed the Monday morning headlines and appear to have a bright future ahead of them. Their mature and clinical performances led to Man City’s 5th league defeat of the season and forced manager, Pep Guardiola, to concede that the Citizens title race was over. Oh dear! Looks like someone might be heading home soon.

Next up! Paul Pogba’s dab earned Liverpool a penalty. The £89 million player entertained the Theater of Dreams with some rather odd dance moves whilst attempting to defend a corner kick, forcing the referee to give a penalty for a hand ball. James Milner scored from the spot, making it a 100% PK record for him (7/7 scored). Prior to the game, Paul Pogba released his own custom made emoji; it’s fair to say he had an absolute nightmare from the first whistle to the last. There’s certainly a few emoji’s I can think of that would describe the Frenchman’s performance. His team however, did manage to salvage a point. Swedish striker, and all round ego maniac, Zlatan Ibrahimovic popped up with a goal late into the second half. The self-proclaimed “God of Manchester”, step aside Liam Gallagher, has now scored 14 goals in 20 league games taking his total to 19. This has come as a bit of a surprise to the Manchester faithful who endured Ibra’s 5-week goal scoring drought earlier in the season.  So after all the blood and thunder of derby day, Liverpool sit 3rd merely 7 points adrift of leaders Chelsea whilst United sit in 6th place, 12 points off the league leaders.

Oh, I should mention that while all this went on Chelsea manager, Antonio Conte, stole some poor journalist’s cake.

Louis van Gall has retired. Yes, ex-Ajax, Barcelona, Netherlands, AZ, Bayern Munich, and Manchester United manager has retired from coaching, at the age of 65, after a career that spans 26 years. The Dutchman was sacked by Man Utd in May only hours after lifting the FA Cup, and has been unemployed ever since. The announcement came shortly after receiving a rather prestigious lifetime achievement award from the Dutch government. Van Gaal, has had a successful career in football, winning two European finals with Ajax, notably lifting the Champions League with the Dutch side in 1995 and wining the UEFA cup in 1992. His time in England was met with much criticism, and his stint as the Holland manager didn’t do his career many favours either. Van Gaal was at the helm of the Dutch national side when the team failed to qualify for the 2002 World Cup; it was the first time they had missed the tournament in 16 years. Alas, with two La Liga titles and one Bundesliga title to his name, Van Gaal, will be remembered fondly by some. Sadly, not all.

Juventus dropped a new logo this week, it’s awful!

Done. Next story.

China v The World. This week the Chinese Super League sent pundits, mangers, players, and fans into mass uproar, confusion and terror. As the January transfer window unfolds a new super power has emerged, and it would seem as though it looks to threaten the allure of some of the biggest leagues in world football. The CSL has hit English Premier League teams hard. This year Oscar made a move away from Chelsea to Shanghai SIPG for £52 million. He wasn’t the only one, Ramirez was purchased, Hulk was purchased, Axel Witsel, Teves, Alex Teixeira, Ezequiel Lavezzi, Paulinho and more are being pursued. Diego Costa is the next big target, and this week Yaya Toure reportedly rejected a £520,000-a-week deal from Jiangsu Suning!! Madness. Shockingly, it was also reported this week that Borussia Dortmund had been offered a sickening 135 million for Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. It’s simply crazy money, and time will tell if it is something that can be sustained. But for now, there are many; players, manager, owners, and Association officials alike, whose heads are being turned by the Chinese purse.

FA Cup upsets; well there were plenty of those this week. Lincoln City FC and Sutton United, both from the fifth tier of English Football, went through to the Fourth Round of the FA Cup beating Ipswich Town (Championship – 14th place) and Wimbledon AFC (League One – 12th place) respectively. Lincoln City, who currently sit top of the National League, scored in injury time to seal a 1-0 victory. This is the first time in 41 years that the Imps have made it to the fourth round, they will face Brighton in the next game. Sutton United stunned 10-man Wimbledon; they scored 3 goals in the 75th, 90th and 96th minute. Their victory set up an FA Cup home tie against Championship side, Leeds United.

Anna Signeul has revealed that she will be stepping down as the Scotland manger after the European Championship in Holland this summer. It is a position Signeul has held for 12 years, and is a role in which she has excelled. The Swede has led Scotland’s women to their first major competition, while spearheading the growth and development of women’s football. Signeul introduced a real professionalism to the women’s game, and her methods have revolutionised the elite development of Scottish women’s football. #pioneer

Now we come to indeed the best and funniest story of the week. To the Eredivisie!

Unhappy with his team’s first half performance, the Heracles Almelo groundskeeper decided to vent his frustrations by leaving a giant snow penis on the pitch!! His side had suffered a disastrous first half against Groningen, conceding 3 goals in 9 minutes. The half time art work did not inspire a second half comeback, rather the visitors pilled on the misery scoring a 4th goal in the second half. The game finished 4-1, with Heracles picking up a consolation goal in the 89th minute. What a huge cock up!

 

ONES TO WATCH  

THE TOFFEES

Everton v Manchester City (post-match interview): https://youtu.be/IS7AQHHlM0A

 

MANCHETER UNITED V LIVERPOOL

Paul Pogba hits the dab: https://youtu.be/BvnhZNR49Wg

 

CONTE TAKES THE CAKE

“I taste a bit?”: https://youtu.be/DU3NE3MidUo

 

LOUIS VAN GAAL RETIRES

That Dive v Arsenal: https://youtu.be/zBmVLpzFhtY

 

JUVENTUS

Black and White and More: https://youtu.be/s26jlK8bUSY

 

CHINESE SUPER LEAGUE

From Chelsea to China: https://youtu.be/Y0qwtr5NIXQ

Why CSL?: https://youtu.be/G3t8SYuF1bE  

 

FA CUP UPSETS

Deacon scores and Sutton equalises: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/38658274

Fitchett goal seals Sutton victory: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/38659079

 

ANNA SIGNEUL

Scotland Qualify for Euro 2017: https://youtu.be/9ePkd1zEi2I

 

HERACLES ALMELO

Groundskeeper leaves giant snow penis on the pitch: https://youtu.be/Bi2VfekdlYM

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